Some days- I already know that it’s time for cleaning – I walk into my kitchen and think: „NO! I really don’t want to do that!“ …and you can replace that with whatever sounds familiar to you and makes you feel heavy or pitiful for yourself – you can choose!
There are days when I decide to go to bed again. Because, honestly it is just too exhausting to even put the mugs on the cupboard. Other days I stroll around and make myself a nice cup of tea and meditate for a while. My own style which is sitting very comfortably on the sofa or bed, letting my eyes looking at nothing specific, sipping my tea and enjoying myself – and occasionally I get up and start cleaning. You know there is no specific sign even, I just get up and do it. Other days I already clean the kitchen whilst the water is boiling (well that’s mostly when I am alone in the house, my daughter didn’t leave anything behind after her night snack and I just recently did it in a more thoroughly way) but anyhow I do it!
You have to know that my only daily routine that I try to keep up as much as possible is to get up in the morning (that’s already something, isn’t it?), make myself a nice cup of something, and do my meditation thing. This is crucial for my well being and the truth is of course, that I add some breathing, use some stuff I am practicing to ground myself, open up to my higher selves and so forth.
But I want to talk about the choices around cleaning my kitchen. There are plenty of moments in either ways where my beautiful mind and all kind of believes could pop up and make myself miserable. Luckily – if they do – I don’t pay attention. This doesn’t mean at all that I push them away, ignore them, avoid letting the words come to my forehead, distract myself etc. I hear these words, thoughts, acknowledging that my beautiful mind just does what it can do best.
Hearing this little voice inside my head saying: “…come on Katharina, this is really nothing too bad, just do it, you will even feel better after…” I try now to put into words what seems to be an enormous stretch: putting it into words I mean, because it is hard to describe what happens next: I kind of caress this thought knowing that it’s making a point here, and keep on moving on doing with what FEELS right in this very moment to do. So yes I act more on how I feel about it then on what I think of it.
Now hold on. This is crucial. When I say feels right, I am not talking about moods. When I am talking about feeling, it’s also not about an emotional breakdown when I see the pile of mugs and decide to go to bed again. It’s also not about digging deep into my feelings. I am talking about listening to my body, my inner sensation about what is going on right now. There might be some emotions, and I am also talking of something else here. It is more letting my intuitive being talk to Katharina. You know the more I do that, the easier it gets. The more I do that, the happier I get. The more I do that, the more natural it comes. Its like practicing yoga, maths or whatever. It becomes a kind of flow. The result is to move alongside with what is there to be done in a way that is kind with myself.
There are other days I walk this time let’s say in the bathroom the first thing in the morning and I think“…not again, I just cleaned it …why should I do it anyway…it’s just annoying doing things over and over again.“ In such moments I just don’t want to do it. Because it seems so ridiculously useless. In that very moment. I know how it would look like if I didn’t clean at all…that’s not how I choose to live. But that’s not the point. The point is that I question my entire existence seeing this. Not only mine. Of all humanity. What is the deeper sense of being a human locked up in this life of repetitive patterns of day in day out routines? It’s a joke, isn’t it? A cosmic joke. In those moments to be kind to myself seems more difficult. The good news is that as I have been there more then once and know this place it’s getting easier to deal with. And the thing is also that I have learned how to deal with it. It’s kind of the same as with the thoughts in the kitchen. It just takes a bit longer, and takes me on some other tracks now and then. Essentially it is not to resist it, allow it to be there and embrace it.
And to round it all up for today and to be straight and clear. I strongly trust myself in living that way – in any area of my life, not only the housekeeping part – and its my choice of living a conscious life.
P.S.: der Text ist auf Englisch, weil ich nicht nur die Sprache so mag. In anderen Sprachen kann man/frau sich anders ausdrücken, jede Sprache hat ihre eigene innewohnende Kraft, und ich mag es sehr damit zu arbeiten.